THC 19: Gordon Downs | Get Caught Up In Love

00:03 You should probably... you should probably grab Is this you again? You do the rap What happened? What were you filming? That's not mine Ladies and fucking gentlemen on a shitty winter night in San Diego. Oh Greg Carlwood I'm here with the man What happened did you start starting to stop again?

00:56 I want to keep that. I want to keep that! Why? It's so funny If you're in San Diego and you wanna see comedy, Gordon Downs is the guy to see Oh yeah...I think your intro song really reminded me of Foster the People It really did The intro song, that one Foster the People song it sounded so much like that and its great to be back National Defense Authorization Act Obama's desk as we speak I'm 3 4ths into an amp and my cat was pet of the day at the Turquoise Animal Hospital So, I'm feeling pretty fucking. I got mixed emotions really but you're not the only one what's new with you? How did you get that reference? No, it's a Rolling Stone. It's a Rolling Stones reference You know

01:52 with mixed emotions. Not much, you know? Just been out there working a lot The comedy show I host at the Tilt 2 Club is gonna go weekly starting January 3rd so every Tuesday night Can we get a visual of us? Are we doing a visual still? It's there. Is it there, do you need to see it? I would like too is that bad how do you normally do this There we go Just like this and then I'm gonna cut to things we talk about like if we were to talk about Cheetahs Leopards tearing into people I'll show some videos of leopards just ripping dudes up I was like cheetahs Gordon! I brought you here tonight after the mad success of ups and downs your album

02:39 That's not the name of my album. To talk to you about... Do you know anything about this National Defense Authorization Act? Are you talking about the Stop Online Piracy Act? No, that's a different act If your talking about the Stop Online Piracy Act I don't know. I don't have anything to say about that. No, I don't know anything about politics or Obama You're just you just divorced your your culture or society. You just don't care I didn't divorce it there are things that there are things that there are things they care about I watched Herman McCain give his resignation speech Herman that was funny, I don't think would yeah, I don't know what were you talking about? This is Bill the truth is It's

03:32 It's a war funding bill, defense budget bill. But in it says that now American citizens can be detained without trial indefinitely forever if the government decides that needs to happen and they say they call... The term I think they use is global battlefield? They're fighting on a global battlefield? I would use a different term. I would use the term shit out of luck If you don't know about these things what does Gordon Downs Look up on the internet and Gordon Downs is killing time smoking a bowl get online. I go to Twitter I follow volleyball shorts at Twitter It's a great Twitter account posting nothing but pictures of people in volleyball shorts badass

04:20 I follow, I'm friends with Badass Jewelry on Facebook. Gotta keep up with that! Ever since Heavy D died, I've been a constant visitor to AllAccessHiphop.com So there you go. Do you want to take this home with me? Please do Anyway, you're gonna be right there at the bottom of the screen like a watermark. That's great This is why I don't This way to follow politics Greg and that's because you know how they say live every day like it's your last day on earth Yes, I know my last day on Earth to be spent going over politics interesting That's just me though man. I mean I do read Newsweek unlike the quotes the quote section

05:25 You know, I think about this time we'll just play a clip from your latest work Okay now you do you see what just happened on the higher side chats SDG and he just got branded on your fucking podcast. I Hope you're happy. These are the people these are these are the people that caused the blackout several months ago Did they cause the black? purpose Supposed to shit in a cup right now or something My gut looks like the side of that woman's back That look like my bat my gut that's why stomach looked like her rear back breast oh

06:19 No, but dude isn't this ridiculous? I don't know. It's ridiculous if he is taking Lipitor If he has good cholesterol then everything is okay with what he is doing And that and if that's full of piss Yeah, there's something wrong with that dreams are coming true Can we turn his vocals down a little bit? Did you get on that did you get on that Paul Schaefer? You know I feel like Rob Dierdre and near the black guy No the black guy who does all the video work on his new show You need to stop watching shit like this

07:06 That's a great that is a great Muppet. Holy shit, how did the biggie is showing her age? I don't think no that's more like the Dark Crystal So you know about anything's happening. I'll tell you what I give a shit about yeah my till to comedy show every Tuesday night There's actually we're rebranding it It's taking place at the tell-all to club every Tuesday 9 p.m.. Started in January What its called I think we're gonna call it fully loaded comedy really yeah How many comedy shows in this country do you think are called fully loaded? I've actually googled it so far none seven. Oh, really no There's not we've Googled it but if you can finally load it If you can find one does that say about the comedy show itself That thought the comics and the audience are drunk and that were like a sandwich with all the fixings You could just go off at any time And kill someone yeah Can you put on another video right now yeah

08:06 Let's put on a video. Can you put on the Pizza Party commercial? Sure I shouldn't have touched my nose because i pet your animals earlier and now, I feel very congested Oh yeah! Oh this is the game! PIZZA PARTY! Fuck yeah! I had this game! Oh shit it's nothing like uh this is back in the day we didn't have the enemy you know that crossfire commercial i had a friend who

08:51 For the longest, longest time thought they were saying Crossfire you'll get caught up in love and he couldn't He didn't get it. He couldn't figure out why two guys are shooting marbles at each other Oh oh oh! Crossfire Yeah I remember that! Get caught up in love You'll get caught up in the think about how think about how that would fuck up your sexuality. Okay, cut up in the Yeah He said yoga he instead of him hearing you'll get caught up and crossfire. He said yo get kind of Love it sounds like your friend Has problems with his sexual identity? Can I get a copy of this for my real please trying to go out for the real world next year Oh

09:50 Did you know the real world of filming in San Diego like six months ago? I ate all your pets. That's fine They actually wrapped and they even had the reunion show really has a season aired Yes, did anything do you know of any uh you're on the pulse of San Diego my finger is on the pulse of what's happening in San Diego So what happened was there any major stories as a result of them being in town? I think Domino's Pizza and PB and Bird Rock no longer delivers to white people as a result of the real world Coming to San Diego. That's it though so yeah scoop on that oh Here it is US soldiers attacked by sheep if you love animals, and you are proud American No I don't want to see this Oh

10:49 We sound like we're doing the show at gunpoint, what do you mean? Like a shotgun. I mean we shotgun wedding exactly we a sound we are acting like we don't want to do this We were doing great until you showed the animals getting beat that changed the vibe How do you feel about vibes I think... How about this? What's Gordon Downs philosophy of the universe. Can you put on R Kelly, You've Got That Vibe. Yeah! Now that's good right there Tell us a little bit about the way you live your life. I uh.... ya know.. what's yours is mine. That's it that's my philosophy what's yours is mine. Like he spoken like a true capitalist And then I need

11:53 I think that's probably going to sound annoying. To the four people listening? I need like a solid eight hours of sleep every night in order to function regularly throughout the day So, I'd like you get a good night sleep make sure to brush your teeth and then what is yours is mine What's yours is mine That's cute That is honestly how I feel about most things What if you don't do that? Don't do it. Turn it back up all the way I don't think a little bit more just a little bit more for like a couple of seconds then You can stop it would it be okay hang on hank Would it be okay, what would it be okay? What was that would it be okay if I nicknamed you go to faggots Jesus Christ What was that go to faggot go to faggot? Haven't you ever seen Star Wars star wars

12:57 That's a guy from Star Wars. I think Goto let's talk about the moment where you decide understand I don't understand Where that thing is derived from? I understand it's part Lord of the Rings and then Frodo Baggins, so yeah It's Lord of the Rings but you've morphed it into some sort of Bilbo baggin with some sort of you put fag in there though the word fag is derogatory really? I don't want to be associated with that sort of gaze. I know you hate gays! I dont wanna be related to the derogatory usage anything especially in a public forum so... You're pretty positive guy. Im gonna have to say, I don't like the nickname but you can always call me whatever you like thanks deep down your black racist heart

13:53 I ate all your pez. I had a kid with down syndrome on last week and the show went exactly like this Almost word for word. Dude was he talking about aliens? But we should. Was he talking about aliens? I posted a video about aliens, and you seemed to get upset about it What was it? It was uh...an alien that was caught on camera in Brazil What did I put?! You said it was bullshit And wasn't real Is that my exact quote Can we bring a screenshot of my quote? No, you said this in person. I was little taken aback The one thing i can say about aliens is that if they do come around because they're out there You make them build something You want to leave glasses of water all over your house Because that's the one way you're gonna be able to kill them Do you have any spice? Can we smoke some spice What the fuck is spice Let me see that right there Spices that fake weed

14:53 No, this is... Let me just say that right now. Thank you! Spice everyone! Oh yeah, it's gonna be a good show. There's nothing wrong with sniffing air duster once in awhile. You know what's funny actually? I was at Walmart and I got carded for air duster and I was like really carded And she goes yeah well these things can be misused and I said Yeah but what does that have to do with my age? That has nothing-you know Then she says because you look like a faggot. No then her head exploded she was saved from her shitty job at home. She said, get out of here you coloreds! Yeah And you were like... I'm not a color Are you gonna start fucking carding for hammers because you could bash someone's head in with it? Or are you going to start carding for- It's actually not a bad idea Craig Right You might want to get some legislation- 17 year olds shouldn't be able to buy anything ever You might want to get some legislation written up about that

15:51 Do you mind if I take a picture of you for my blog? You'd be a good AM DJ radio. You're on the wild and wacky higher side chat show, Gordon Downs! What's it like to tell jokes for a living?! I was gonna say... Whoa!!! That is crazy!! How long are ya in town for, Gordon?? You'd be a good AM DJ radio sidekick. This is the commercial that's currently running on MTV right now, what do you think? Nazi Germany? Do we see some titties? Are they gonna rape those chicks? I assume so... This is one of the best commercials Is this that movie Them with Roddy Piper No this is the commercial for Schindler's List on Blu-ray The Holocaust happened to people like us Think dot mtv

16:59 It's only got 8,000 hits. Yeah I know it's weak. It's been up since 2007! What the fuck? No it's 2011 dick! Let me ask you this right now though does that commercial upset you? Does it upset me no...I think its pre-conditioned programming Did it upset you that everyone in that commercial was dressed from Old Navy That upset me No, I mean what? I think what they're trying to say is that the Jewish people that were the victims of the Holocaust Were living their lives like normal Americans and Canadians. Yeah next thing they know they're fucked That's a thing though so they're trying to tell us dog I think the infrastructure when you get dragged to a work camp Then you can start talking about not giving a shit And then they'll whip the fuck out of your life will be just as bad as mine

17:54 Exactly, but the years leading up to that you won't have that stress. I will not have worried about politics I'll know what's going on though man. I'm gonna stop You'll know why you got there Occupy and trying to stop this shit occupy your apartment? I got two Cardboard signs. Well, here's the thing though I think what that's just trying to say is that hey watch out Be thankful for what you have and it's really trying to say What would Jesus do he probably wouldn't watch MTV? No He probably wouldn't he'd probably be on it You probably wouldn't bash that sheepshead in there even have his own show It would have his own show called Jesus and pals And it would be on Comedy Central

18:42 he obviously was a bit of an egomaniac Religious, I think he was more like a magician like Like like a guilder. No no, I mean like an old-school like back then you know how they had like musicians and this is You know what? I mean? I really do I think he was like a magician slash grifter where he could do shit like sleight of hand And then people would be like holy shit. He's just a snake oil salesman kind of to a certain degree I mean, I think it was passionate but I also think he was very delusional

19:27 So I think he believed, he believed that He was the son of God because his mother didn't know His dad but in reality That was just a story. That's just so you're saying okay? So you're saying Jesus is black that's great So no I mean that's what I believe and she told him She told him, I think everyone was poor back then She she told Him that His father Joseph was his stepfather and his dad is God. I know it's like holy shit That's not what happened so you think that that's just one little white lie started that enabled Jesus to start a career in grifting Grifting? That's like being a con artist, okay on the grift You know Gordon how the fuck are we gonna fix the world right now? I think

20:29 We gotta elect the right officials, we rebuild the infrastructure and we teach children how to read. And also sustainable agriculture. Well that's about it. Monsanto is working on that for us. What? Monsanto is working on that for us That's so good thank God You know anything about Monsanto? Goddamnit man. I'm sorry, i wasn't briefed on the... This is what happens when people grow up in San Diego! I didn't grow up here Yeah you did and anyone else I know who grew over here doesn't give a fuck about any of this stuff. I follow certain things but Like the fucking wave height Jesus Christ Surf I think you know me better than that, I don't surf

21:19 I don't go to the beach much. This is the closest i've been to the beach What? That body Jesus Christ So no, I'm sorry. I don't know. I don't know what Monsanto is or who he is Mon sound so man as a giant operation that's working in agriculture and think it's great that you know And then you're not smug about it though. No, I think that's the one thing People will get from this podcast He's real humble about his knowledge of politics dude. I don't know shit. I just compared to you nude Gingrich Huh?

21:54 how many have heard of a little someone tell them uh... no but let me know regular george stuff and i said i was there are honestly though you've been muster for about the uh... the supreme court case where accompany was allowed to do that too patented genetically modified seeds i thought your invite me here to talk about how he didn't like how black people can marry white people Because that's the email I got. We're getting there! That's the email- This is all gonna come full circle, I promise. And you said can you make that funny and I said You know what? It's worth a shot. I got nothing else to do as long As you got cupcakes and sunshine. Gonna be...I'm gonna be by the beach anyways cuz I need to check the wave heights So what kind of life is that loving animals yet being Highly sensitive to them. I am allergic. That's

22:53 Gotta be torture. That's no, no I mean it just like waking up and it's like being waterboarded every day not really I don't know on earth. I'm not in contact with animals that your karma for fucking kids Jesus Christ I'm not in contact with animals everyday Very rarely very rarely communicate when I see them. I'm like hey, what's up? Can I pet you and some of them will be like get away from me then your eyes puff up and someone will be like Lungs close no, I just my nose gets stuffy and then running in the ball is good. It was good at she I've got to being a very sensitive today Yeah, are you all right?

23:36 Are you... manstrating? I woke up drunk. It might, y'know Did you wake up with blood coming out of the tip of your dick? Like ahhh it's gonna be one of those days! Yep One of those manstration days- it's so nice outside Let's do a little plug right now let's do a little teaser For what? Uh this weekend What's this weekend There is a KKK rally in Santee that they want to do podcast from Nice So really man what was your last shitty job that you hated, that you were like man I want to live my dream but i got us to pay the bills and maybe this life is going be just bullshit job after bullshit job tell me about that time in your life inspire me. I think it was...the last shitty job I had was working at a furniture store That was actually alright because I could smoke weed and get decent hours and shit You know? I worked at a call center

24:45 Me too. That was pretty bad. During those days, how old were you then? I was 37. Did you start comedy when you were doing that? No, I hadn't started yet. You just had to... I didn't start until I was 45. I was one of the creators for Zumba workouts so I really had my career set for me. I was on a path that was already chosen and then I said, you know what health isn't it, I want to do stand-up I want out of this. I went out of the Zumba and they said alright We're gonna pay you $5,000 and you can leave Zumba but you give us all rights for future Zumbo Merchandise and I said exactly I said You guys could have it alright? I don't fucking This is never gonna get off the ground Do you think anyone is gonna give a shit about

25:46 losing weight by dancing this was just something I did for fun and then you went on then i tried the open mic set that's when I started after a brief stint as a writer for perfect strangers in the last season well Gordon it was great, awesome to see you. I'm glad one of us did I always love talking into a microphone sorry but I couldn't I'm sorry, I didn't know anything about politics. I don't care if you know anything about politics but you just never... Here's the thing about you-I like you! I don't bring you flowers anymore? I like you! Don't think that I don't like you You gotta click on it But you don't give me any serious answer to anything I don't have really serious opinions on politics inside of me

26:37 This is it. I'm pretty... The man inside the shell. I'm a joker, I'm a joker You're a midnight toker How come it's not playing? Because I'm not pressing play yet I'm trying to- this is an intervention about you getting in tune with your thoughts and feelings I thought this was what we were gonna do, just kind of hang out and talk This is what you thought we were gonna do? I didn't know you were gonna get hostile. You thought we were gonna do this and then showed up? I didn't know, you're going to get hostile when I didn't know... If I thought we were going to do this, I wouldn't be here! What's it say?! I don't know what to say about your political questions. I'm sorry No. I'm really sorry. I like you. Okay thanks. I've liked the banter Thank you. This has been another episode of The Higher Side Chats Gordon, whaddya wanna- Whaddaya want people to know? White power

27:27 Where can they see you? Every Tuesday night at the Telltale Club 4746 El Cajon Boulevard starting Tuesday night. It's a very racist show so your listeners will love it. Yes, they will. I just did the harmonica part. Is this before it was okay to be openly gay? No, they both have hot chick girlfriends. Yeah that's crazy That's his cousin from small island Yeah Michelle Bachman husband has a wife too Doesn't mean shit You remind me of like Ross Perot and the conspiracy theorist I'll tell ya Was he a conspiracy theorist? I don't think you get that reference Yeah

28:46 Folks this is another episode of the higher side chats. I'm Greg Carlwood, that's Gordon Downs don't drink the water there's fluoride in it See you next week